Book Review - Fifty Shades

Silly me, it's not just A book, it's 3 books. Having not seen the movie, I wanted to read the damn thing beforehand to see how different the two were and once done I could only hope the screenplay was written to condense the unceasing nonsense and tell the story.

Now that I've read them, no, I don't feel particularly dirty or somehow tainted by them but then I'm closing in on 60 and I've been jaded since I was 10. I understand a younger crowd would be more curious or in need of knowledge. If any woman reads this trilogy and feels they know everything about a Dom/sub relationship she's missed the opportunity to really understand that knowledge comes with time and experience.

I can't decide whether the author wanted to tell the story or just write about sex. The story is actually a pretty good one, or could be if more attention was paid to developing it than focusing on ALL. THE. KINKY. SEX. 3 books? Really? How utterly self indulgent of you.

One thing that kept tripping me up was this English author's use of American slang and general terms. I'd be reading along and have to stop thinking, "an American wouldn't use that term or slang word, those are British, not American". The misuse made me feel she was lazy and could have Googled information to correct bringing England to her Seattle setting.

One I found particularly funny was her description of our protagonist racing her car around Seattle to get away from the bad guys. She was able to get away because traffic was light. NO SEATTLE ROAD HAS LIGHT TRAFFIC ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON! At least not to my experience when trying to get up to the Region office. In fact I refused to travel on weekends for just that reason. At one point she had them tearing down the Alaska Viaduct. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure by 2011 the Viaduct was torn up in places, major road construction. So maybe I got down in the weeds a little too far. But it smacked of an author who just really wanted to write about sex making the story a poorly fact-checked second.

I found the protagonist annoying. She was written complete with a running dialog with her libido and conscious, which were described as additional characters homed in her head. After awhile I just wanted her to shut them up. I don't care if your libido is turning cartwheels at the opportunity to be tied up. It seemed immature and naive, but then she's only 22.

I discovered my issue with her was that at 22 I was not a virgin and hadn't been one for years. And maybe I expected more from someone with a 4-year college education. But as the book goes along she's shown as not only naive but a bit dim, changing quickly to a hero who can handle dangerous situations, then changing back to the dim little girl nestled in his arms.

So the books were written as a fairy tale from the dark side. And women, having been immersed as children in Disney's 'some day my prince will come', eat up her unceasing descriptions of kinky sex in an effort to see to it it's not only the prince who comes. Will real life be this way? Not in a million years.

So you young ladies indulge yourselves but try to do so knowing that the only reason this trilogy is so very popular is the complete hokum of how to survive and love a sadist. Oops, I mean a sadist turned family man with a wife who's penchant for kinky sex makes for a perfect marriage.

There's nothing quite like a happy ending.